Party on, Garth!

The party in Seattle is back on!!!! Whooo hoooo! After canceling it, I just felt awful. It just didn't feel right, so I texted Bradley that I wanted to make the party back on. He wrote back that he really, really, really didn't want it. I wrote back that I really, really, really did. That night we spoke on the phone. Things got a little heated in that I wanted to do the brunch at the venue with the catering, cupcakes and the whole nine. He wanted nothing at all. However, we reached a compromise - we almost always do - and this is why we are getting married.

His concern with the brunch was that it was going to be way out of our budget and was essentially a 2nd wedding. He felt it was too much to ask people to attend a cruise and a party. When I pointed out that the party would be for people who couldn't make the cruise, he asked me how many weddings I wanted to have to make sure everyone got to celebrate with us. He felt it was over-the-top.

My argument was that people who are important to me wouldn't be able to make the cruise. For instance, my step-sister is getting married in June, so she and her fiance won't be able to afford to join us. My former co-workers (who I love more every day) won't be able to join us and I would like them to be able to celebrate. Besides, having the wedding on a cruise means that I don't get to do the really fun stuff, like decorate a venue or have cute place-settings or anything like that.

What won out was that we had already told people that we were going to throw a party. In our Save-The-Dates, which went out in August, we told people to save a date for a party in Seattle. We have committed ourselves. However, Bradley is right - the brunch is way out of our budget. Hilariously, my maid of honor made an off-hand comment about having a BBQ at a park near our home. I made the same off-hand remark and it is now exactly what we are doing. Congratulations, Jen, on making this decision for us! :) It's a great compromise and I'm super excited about it!

The contract debacle

I have always been a "drink the cool-aid" type of employee. I got excited at Gap rallies (yes, in 1998, I attended at Gap rally and actually had a good time. Don't judge me), I participate in team building events and I - until recently - have believed that my employer usually acted with my best interests in mind (even if that best interest meant me having to take a two week furlough so the whole company didn't go under - better to go two weeks unpaid than have no employment at all). Unfortunately, this meant that I was very often taken advantage of at my previous job. Eventually I got tired of being treated poorly and left, vowing to never be treated that way again.

Very recently, I was offered a new position at a new ballet company in Portland and they basically offered me exactly the job I told them I wanted. We agreed on a salary and sent me a contract. When I eventually got my work weeks (there are very few 52-week a year jobs in the arts. Most of the positions have a few lay-off weeks built in), I was at my current job, so I just printed it out and put it in my bag. When I got home, I pulled out my weeks and was stunned to see so many lay-off weeks. I called Bradley in a panic; I only had three full months of employment, two months of partial employment and I would have a four month gap between contracts. We looked and tried to figure out how to make it all work - Bradley even suggested his getting a second job, but in the end we figured out that we could save more money if I took a job as a legal assistant in Seattle for $15/hr than if I accepted this job the way it was. So I wrote my new bosses and told them I could not afford to take the job with as many lay-off weeks as there were.

I was equal parts terrified and proud of myself. It was the first timeI had really stood up to an employer, really made sure that I was taking care of myself rather than being a martyr for my job. For the following week, we talked on the phone several times - they seemed shocked at my reaction. They appeared to have meeting after meeting all about me. I stuck to my guns. Either I got fewer lay-off weeks or it wasn't going to work.

I'll skip to the punch line - I was looking at the wrong schedule. I had been looking at the dancers' schedule, not my own. It turned out that when I printed the attachment, the column that had been highlighted in yellow so I would surely see it, didn't print. When the new company called to tell me that they couldn't afford me, we realized my mistake. Even though this happened 5 days ago, I am still mortified. I think about how much of everyone's time I wasted, how much stress they had because of me and I am completely embarrassed and wish I could take it all back. Why is it that the first time I decide to stick up for myself, I am completely and totally wrong?!?! *sigh*

Party in Seattle

Last night Bradley and I had a very, very long talk. This talk was about the wedding budget. You see, Bradley and I set a budget the day after we got married. We decided that if we went over X amount, we would talk about it. About two months after we got engaged, I told Bradley that we would be going over X, but would stay under Y. He nodded and continued playing spaceships online. Several weeks later, I told him I wanted a $1,500 wedding band, which was outside of the Y budget and he said OK. It appeared that Bradley was cool with whatever money I wanted to spend, so I figured we would both be super into piling money into our savings. I'm sure you see where this is going. When our savings account began to sputter and stop growing, I got super anxious and Bradley couldn't figure out why.

Last week Bradley sent me a spreadsheet with what he thought the budget would be. I laughed out loud when I saw it and directed him to the budget with which I have been working. He was shocked by how much it had increased. So last night we had a phone date wherein we went through every item on our wedding budget and cut what we could. Sadly, even after all of these cuts, we were still $10,000 over budget X (which is what we were trying to get to). So we had to make a horrible decision. We decided to cancel the Reception in Seattle, thereby cutting $6,000 from our budget, getting us under the budget Y number.

I am devistated by this. I was so excited about this party! The venue we chose is super cute, we were going to do a brunch and I was all set with decorations and ideas for favors and themes and the whole nine. It was going to be so cute! I know that cutting it is the right decision and that, one year from now, I will be happier when I'm not looking at this on my credit card statement. But right now I am so sad and so let down, I don't know what to do. I had horrible dreams last night about how great it would have been (because my subconscious hates me). I'm not sure how to make it better. I'm just sad. I feel like a 5-year-old who's birthday party has been canceled because she's sick. *sigh* Why can't it be a year from now already?